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Week 3 – What is the capitol of the state of Overwhelm???

So parts of week 3 are going GREAT!  I’ve been getting command of the 15 minute sit.  My latest revision of my DMP really resonates in my soul.  I am Getting.  Stuff.  Done!  Seriously, I haven’t procrastinated on my assignments, got my chores done in advance of the set date.  Great, right?

But then, I decided to try to figure out how to move my blog to my existing website as a subdomain and KABLAM!  I’ve short circuited some wiring in my head.  All of a sudden I feel defeated.  I know that’s the old blueprint just itching to find a way to shut me up with all this change stuff…. but when I hit that wall of overwhelm, I hit it at about 83 MPH.

There are so many minute details, and I can’t find what comes next.  TOTALLY LOST.  TOTALLY FRUSTRATED.

My friend, Maggy, would get this:  %blog %WordPress %assignments

And so now, I am going to play some poker and relax.


Week 2 – You Reap What Subby Sows

A couple of interesting thoughts from this week:

1:  I’ve been living backwards!  I’ve had an expectation that I’d become successful and change the way I think about success.  I realize that sounds stupid, but that’s what I had in my mind.

We don’t plant a cabbage and expect to harvest seeds.  We don’t go to college and expect to learn multiplication tables.  We don’t hold a wedding and expect to meet someone with whom we will build a lifetime.  Nature has a natural progression – seed time and harvest!

So why to we learn to live backwards?  We look at the methods we can see to determine our intention.  Our brains are wired to FIND the methods required to achieve our intention – but most of us live a life of quiet desperation because we don’t harness the power of our minds!

For me, that changes TODAY.

2) Soil is neutral.  I’m not talking pH – I’m talking about the fact that it doesn’t have an opinion about what is planted in it.  Plant weeds, it will grow weeds.  (And for my buddies from the Kerr Center for Sustainable Agriculture, yes, I know you prefer to call them “forbes”  LOL)  Plant deadly nightshade, it will grow poison.  Plant roses, it will grow roses.  Plant pumpkins and it will grow pumpkins.

It is also true of our subconscious, known as “Subby” in the MKMMA lingo.  But most of us never examine what is planted in Subby.  Plant fear and you’ll reap fear.  Plant doubt and reap doubt.  Plant determination to succeed and people better get out of the way!

I’m on a 26 week journey of self-discovery.  I’m looking objectively at myself, my habits and my innermost thoughts.  And I’m plowing up the weeds and the nightshade and I’m planting good things, that will nourish my soul – and cause me to succeed.

Today, I begin a new life.

Week 1 Continued – So What IS this thing I’m doing?

Long post warning:  823 words.

For years, most of my life, in fact, I’ve been a student of “self help” information in all its many forms.  (It makes me laugh that it was recently pointed out that “self help” books and classes are an oxymoron.  I know, right???).  I’d read a book, listen to a tape, attend a class…. all in a quest to overcome the hurdles in my life (most of which I custom designed to trip myself up!).  I’ve spent thousands of dollars to try to become my best self and do something different.  I’d get a spark of motivation or “take massive action”, but it never lasted.   My subconscious mind and its old tapes and blue prints have won the battle every time.

Enter MKMMA – the Master Keys Master Mind Alliance.  Why is it different?  Well, for one thing, it started differently.  No one tried to SELL me anything.  MKMMA is available only by a pay-it-forward scholarship, funded by the people who took the course before me.  In this case, the class of 2014 (which by total coincidence happened to include a long-time internet acquaintance of mine from about 90 miles west of me, how fun is that?) paid for the scholarships for the class of 2015.  First, I had to qualify to apply.  Every couple of days, I had to watch a video and take a simple step to qualify for the next round.  After three such exercises, I was invited to apply for one of the scholarships.  The application fee was $1.  Then I had to wait to see if my application was approved.  I was really really nervous as I waited for my name to appear on the scholarship list, which took a couple of days.

Once approved, I had to have certain supplies on hand: a couple of binders, 2 copies of Og Mandino’s book “The Greatest Salesman in the World”, colored pencils, and index cards…. and plenty of printing supplies.  I think before the 1st webinar, I printed close to 100 pages of info to read!!  The first webinar was LONG, but I stayed on the entire time so that I thoroughly understood what was to be expected of me.  And I got to work.

Every day, I have reading assignments.  I am reading the same things over each day – some once a day, some three times.  One of the things I read daily they said had to be hand-written.  HAND WRITTEN?  Writing a check is a pain in the ass these days!  But, I didn’t let my handicap hold me back.  It took me three hours to write what most people probably did in 20 minutes, but I DID IT.  And it’s even legible enough that strangers could read it.  Take THAT, Parkinson’s!  Some of my daily reading assignments are read silently and some are read aloud.  All of that is on the honor system – I said I’d do the work and I’m doing the work.

But then there are tangible requirements, as well.  The first was easy – complete a feedback survey about the webinar.  But, as it turns out – a large portion of the class has not done it, even though it took like 2 minutes.  The second tangible requirement was LOTS tougher!  I had to write my DMP (Definte Major Purpose) and email it in – to STRANGERS who are going to read it, make suggestions and send it back.

My old friend, Fear Of Failure, was forefront in my mind.  I procrastinated Sunday and Monday because a) I didn’t know what to write b) if I didn’t know what to write, what I’d write would be wrong c) if what I wrote was wrong, I’d fail.  By Tuesday, I decided to feel the fear and do it anyway.  I wrote out my DMP and sent it off.  My personal certified guide, Jana, replied that it had been received, that she thought it was a very good 1st draft, and said she’d spend 72 hours or so before replying with suggestions.

By far the hardest of all assignments is the daily “sit”.  I am to sit 100% perfectly still for 15 minutes a day.  Nose itches?  Tough.  Deal with it.  DO NOT MOVE.  Let your mind wander where it will, but DO NOT MOVE.  The point, or so I am told, is that before I can control my mind, I must control my body.

And so I sit.  Keeping in mind that Parkinson’s manifests in resting tremors, so there is really no such thing as sitting perfectly still, but I do not move outside of the tremors.  Last night was a beyotch!  I had muscle cramps in my right thigh and right arm.  Tough.  I dealt with it.  I did not move despite the pain.  I figured  that a few minutes of pain were not going to kill me but that continuing to do things in submission to my subconscious mind (who I KNOW caused those cramps!!) just might.

Today, I begin a new life.

Week 1 – Getting started with MKMMA!

Whew!  This is shaping up to be quite a ride!

The concept of having a scholarship paid for by the people before me is unique, and really causes one to take this stuff seriously!  My lifelong fear of failure is RIGHT THERE, just taunting me… but I WILL do this thing.  I MUST do this thing!

My old internal tapes have allowed me to experience success on a small scale, but I’ve tended to self-sabotage.  There has always been an invisible cap on my ability to succeed.  I’m SO ready to rewrite that internal script – or blueprint, as they call it in MKMMA.

After applying for a scholarship and before hearing I’d been accepted I was nervous.  Sunday, before the first webinar, I was nervous.  Tonight, I submitted my 1st draft of my DMP (Definite Major Purpose) and now I’m nervous.  LOL  Okay!  Need to relax!  I *can* do this.

Just watch me go!